ruinedchildhood:

Mom: Home in 5 minutes, hope you’ve taken the chicken out of the freezer

Me: image

  • citizen: it's a bird!
  • citizen: it's a plane!
  • *superman flies down with kryptonite between his teeth*
  • superman: it's a metaphor

jeremymcbitchin:

Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.

time has fallen asleep in the afternoon sunshine

time has fallen asleep in the afternoon sunshine

heros-of-the-bluebox:

sluttyoliveoil:

cough

rough

though

through

why dont these words rhyme

but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do

beyoncebeytwice:

if u go through my phones call log all you see is my mothers number over and over

stuffalextumbles:

Me for all of high school

stuffalextumbles:

Me for all of high school

folieadude:

when you get older do old people start becoming attractive to you like when I’m 70 are 70 year old men gonna look hot like this is a legitimate concern of mine